Connecting moms in Polk County, Fla.
Weekly Parenting Column by Jodie Lynn
My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years. We have a ten-year-old son. She has cheated on me many times and I do not trust her. However, I want to live as a family for the sake of our son. I do things with my son but not with my wife. So far, we have not had any really big arguments in front of him. Basically, I have sucked it up for his sake so that he can have both parents around. She loves him also, but now, I am becoming more bitter about our failing marriage. Should we continue to do our own separate thing, get a divorce or go to counseling? I'd like to work things out but I wonder if it would ever even be close to what we once had?
I took my wife back twice after she cheated on me. I changed my ways and even stopped working so many hours. After she did it for a third time, I divorced her. That's not to say that your wife may not be able to actually change. She might. Either way, have eyes in the back of your head. - L.J. In Dayton, OH
Once a spouse has cheated, it is very hard to forgive and move on. There are many possible reasons running amuck between the two people along with high emotions and constant suspicion. As odd as it sounds, the one who didn't cheat will often blame themselves. However, if cheating has taken place multiple times, the things most important in a marriage like honesty, respect, loyalty, sympathy, support and love pretty much dwindle down to almost nothing. Instead, there's a wide range of animosities, which make for a very unhealthy relationship and environment which affects everyone in the family. While I understand that you would like to live together as a family for the sake of your son, don't even think for a minute that he doesn't know and feel things between you and your wife are not right, especially if the two of you had a good marriage beforehand. In fact, you may have seen changes in him that are not his normal behavior. Kids can be quite acutely aware of their immediate surroundings, particularly at home. There's nothing wrong with going to a counselor by yourself to talk about things; it may help you immensely on a personal level. Using a nonjudgmental third party as a sounding board can often help individuals make life changing revelations. Once you do this, you can decide how the best way may be to handle your current situation to get the healthiest results for you and your family.
CAN YOU HELP?
My nine-year-old daughter wants to do everything her 11-year-old brother does. In fact, if there is a coed sports team, she will try out for it and then hang with the boys and snub the girls. She's not interested in anything else but competitive sports. My husband and I are worried that although she is already a tomboy, allowing her to be involved too frequently with boys will influence her even more to pull away from her own gender. Is this a passing stage or should we really be concerned?
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