Connecting moms in Polk County, Fla.

Frustrated with Family

So ready to scream and cry, but trying very hard not to. I so want to drive to my dad's and rip him a new one. My half brother's mom was down here the other day and my grandma and dad posted a few pics of them on Facebook. Made the comment that I wish I knew she was here cause I would have loved to go out to meet her.

My dad responds this morning with this "You got to be kidding Tabby,you can't drive to Ft. Meade to visit your grandma and me which is closer then Orlando and we're family". Really?!

So I just made the comment "Kinda works both ways, but I am trying to figure out a day to get there when I am not overloaded on things here. Keep saying if I can clone myself I would so I can get everything that I want to do and visit everyone I want to".

No further comment from him after that on that subject. Guess he doesn't want to go toe to toe on there where the rest of his family can see what an a** he really is. He posted a picture yesterday of a suede pocketbook my half brother's mom made and when I asked if she happens to sell them because I would love to get a couple, he says no that she only makes them for special occasions and can't wait to see what her Pow Wow outfit will be for this year as she makes her own (she's native american). She then says that her and all the women in her family are beautiful princesses. Ok, so that got me a bit jealous and ticked off. Never once in my 42 yrs had he ever complimented me or my mom. Still never got an apology from the mug that was done wrong. Maybe when I go visit my grandmother I can give him the mug. I know I won't though as not to start a fight in front of Jesse.

Well guess he doesn't mind having the dirty laundry aired on Facebook. Basically went on how he knows my mom turned me against him. Nope, I lost all respect for him the day he punched my mom in the eye and left it black and blue. I was about 8 yrs old at that time. It was mainly verbal abuse to her through out the years (not like I couldn't hear it or didn't know). I left the comment that there are a lot of things I'm frustrated with but try to let it roll as it is family.

I am so mad that I want to cry. I have no one to talk to right now to get it out of my system. I don't want to tell my mom and get her upset because she'll get so pissed she'll call him up. Even if I say no it's between him and I she'll still do it cause I'm her baby. Hubby is sleeping for work tonight so can't turn to him. Have no real friends here to talk to. So sorry for venting on here. Thanks for listening (reading).

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Permalink Reply by Joyce H on July 22, 2012 at 12:05pm

Tabby, so sad that you are going through this and that you feel so alone - it is sad when family is like that, I too have had problems recently with my brother, we have been close our whole entire lives and he gets married and then has nothing to do with our side of the family at all and we have been told by his new wife that "he has a new life now and doesn't need you"... and the worse is seeing my mother trying to deal with this as they were very close. Don't understand how family can turn on eachother like that. I do hope the rest of your day is better and that you don't let this ruin your day. Please feel free to vent, that is what we are here for, to support eachother. :)

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Permalink Reply by Tabby on July 22, 2012 at 2:40pm

Thanks Joyce....It is sad when being close to someone gets cut off. For me it usually ends in a death of a loved one. Not really close with my dad's side of the family (never really was growing up). I've seen families torn by exactly what your brother's wife had done. It's hard to get back to the relationship with family later on after bridges are burnt like that.

Well while it was still sunny before I took my son up to the pool. I didn't put my suit on as I am not comfortable really in front of others which you would figure by now I would have outgrown. I should have put it on cause there was no one up there. So I just sat in the sun and it felt pretty good. Just to get out of the house for a bit was worth it.

Did get another post from my father saying he'll be gone with my grandmother next month. Then he's off to NY for the Pow Wow. Not sure if I want to get to Ft Meade to see my grandmother before she heads out cause I know he'll be there and I really don't want to deal with that or wait till she comes back and he's far away in NY. It's her 91st b-day next month so they are going in his RV to Ft Lauderdale to see my aunt (one of my dad's sisters and her kids with their kids). We'll see cause if I do go before they leave it would have to be Friday (after the gun range) because hubby has a golf event Saturday he's going to.

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Permalink Reply by Stacie (Paco10778) on July 24, 2012 at 11:13am

Tabby - that totally sucks! I'm sorry to hear that your dad makes such unnecessary drama for you when you don't really need it.

By the way - I'm native american too, and there are no such thing as Indian princesses!!! :D Though tis the season for Pow-Wows, the one thing I do miss about not living in NY anymore, used to go to them all the time during the summer.

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Permalink Reply by Shawn Spivey on July 24, 2012 at 12:32pm

Oh, Tabby, I've been at the beach with limited internet so I couldn't get on here and respond the way I wanted to.

I'm so happy you knew you could turn to your online friends for support. I don't think there's much that we can say to cure your sadness in this situation but I'm glad to be here to offer you support and a virtual shoulder. I'd be glad to give you a real one if you ever want to meet up.

Head up, Hun, you've fought bravely and probably more lady-like than others would have with the emotions of your unique family setting. It sounds like you've accepted more than most would, too. It makes you the better person, you are, and still you're considering others feelings- not wanting to wake your husband or let this weigh on your mother's shoulders. You're a good soul, Tabby. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. :)

As impossible as it may sound, I've learned to cut out things that hurt me with no remorse or consideration for me. Life's too short to take emotional hits. I don't know if distancing yourself from these family members seems reasonable but I just hate to see you hurt so often.

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Permalink Reply by Tabby on July 26, 2012 at 9:02pm

Shawn, I actually had cut that side of the family off for 6 yrs. Long story short, there was a misunderstanding and my aunt (grandfather's sister) blew it way out of proportion and stuck her nose in it. When I had Jesse my mom asked if she could let them know so I said ok. We got the whole thing straightened out and I told my dad exactly how I felt about him and things growing up. If it wasn't for Jesse being born, I probably would still have nothing to do with them, but then I would miss out on knowing about my half brother (Eric). Of course my dad had 6 yrs to tell me about him but waited till my grandfather's funeral (which I found out about that through family on Facebook). Since my dad never called to tell me about his death, I doubt he would have told me about Eric. I think he was forced to because I showed up and didn't want to cause waves if someone on that side of the family slipped up and told me. Lovely Family!!

I've been struggling though with calling my grandmother to see exactly when she's going on the road trip to Lake Okeechobee and then to Ft Lauderdale with my dad. Not sure if I wanted to go see my grandmother before they take off because I know my dad would be there. They live in the same mobile home park, just at opposite ends. I could have waited till after they were back because he would be in NY but I know that would make matters worse because he knows I'm avoiding him.

So today I called my grandmother and she said they are leaving August 2nd and will be gone for almost the whole month. I sucked it up and told her I'll come out Sunday if she had no plans. She'll call me after she gets out of church and gets home. I know she spends time at my grandfathers grave after church too. I would love to go Saturday but hubby has a golf fundraiser and he'll have the car. So Sunday it'll be just Jesse and I going to Ft Meade. Hubby has to sleep because he works Sunday night and my mom will be at work. Should be interesting. I know my dad will not cause an issues out there at my grandmothers. I'll let you know how it goes.

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Permalink Reply by Tabby on July 30, 2012 at 1:09pm

Went to Ft Meade yesterday to visit my grandma. Of course my dad was out at his place so I pulled in there. Not that I really wanted to stop, but I did. He didn't say anything about the Facebook incident since Jesse was right there. He showed us the RV he was prepping for the their trip in a couple days. Stayed for a bit and listened to him say how my mom could have gotten my grandmother's mobile home, but she sat on her rump and did nothing about it. Talk about biting my tongue. Told him I talked with the mortgage company and with no will and still a balance on it, they could not sell it to her (even though the balance was less than $2,000). Plus I told him that since there were a few lies about money from someone's job they took early retirement from in NY. He knew exactly what I meant and I told him that she could have went to court, but thought of me and didn't want to cause issues. Boy did he change that subject fast. So I left to go to my grandma's.

Had a nice time there. My dad came over with his dog and took Jesse for a ride on the golf cart. After they came back, he stayed for a bit more and left because there isn't much to talk to him about. So my grandma took Jesse and I to lunch at a little hole in the wall diner. If you been to Ft Meade you know there's not much there....LOL It was very good food though (hot and fresh). We got there around 10:30am and left at 3pm. She was sad to see us go. Told her when she gets back from her trip for next month we'll come out again to visit. Jesse was sad to go to cause she's so old and lives alone.