Connecting moms in Polk County, Fla.
Teens home alone overnight with smaller sibling?????
My kids informed me that when they are at their dad's house sometimes they are left alone overnight while their dad and step mom work. My kids are 13 year old twins (boy/girl) and they have to watch their stepsister who is around 7 as well. They are typically left from 6pm to around 7:30am. They were given instructions that if something happens to go to their friends house 3 doors down from their house. They live in a decent neighborhood but the houses on each side of them are vacant.
I would love input on this topic to see what others feel about this age and over night alone issue.
Thanks,
Robin
Views: 741
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Christie Henderson on -
My point of view, it's dangerous unless the kids have taken some sort of babysitting courses with some sort of training in what to do in an emergency - and are pretty mature. If they get along well with the younger sibling and they are well aware of the dangers, it may not be too bad, but training would make all the difference in the safety, to me.
I watched infants and toddlers alone overnight at this age, but then again they weren't old enough to fight or argue with me, and I was pretty responsible and mature for my age. I couldn't have watched my brother, who was four years younger than me, overnight. My cousin was about 8 or 9 years older than her brother, but they couldn't be left alone together for an hour, much less overnight. She was too jealous of him as the baby, and he was too rambuctious.
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Permalink Reply by Shawn Spivey on -
Wow, that's a tough one. I can see why you're conflicted on what to think.
It really depends on the maturity and ability of the teens, too. I know some 13 year-olds that could successfully conquer the world. The flip side, how many times have we heard of adults of what most would consider ideal parental age completely failing at parenthood or taking care of children?
I don't know if you want to share the twins' feelings, but I think a lot should hinge on their thoughts. Does this situation scare or concern them? Is this something they feel confident in doing?
I don't know, my immediate gut reaction is this isn't ideal.
So sorry you have this worry. :(
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Permalink Reply by Jmarr on
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There's the safety issue, but I also wonder how your kids feel about it, and I worry about the step sister too. Is she 100% comfortable with that situation? She really needs her Momma right now...I kind of feel bad for her if it is happening a lot.
Hope I am not offending anyone, I am so ignorant about the workings of blended families...so I could be totally wrong here. I thought the whole point of shared custody, etc. is to spend time with the other parent. I imagine when the kids are waking up, the dad is going to sleep. Sounds like they don't get to see him at all when he works. They say it's not happening all the time, but at that age, 13, I would be SO excited to be home alone at my dads. I would probably not admit that it was happening a lot!! I wouldn't want to jeopardize it!! It could be happening more than you know!
Maybe the visitation schedule can be rearranged so that they don't have to leave them alone as often.
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Permalink Reply by Joyce H on
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I personally would not be comfortable with this situation. We will now (just recently...) leave our 13 year old home for a couple of hours, but overnight??? And taking care of another child? no way. Our son is mature, but I don't think even he would like being home all night without us.
I also have to agree with Jmarr, how is the father spending quality time with his children??
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Permalink Reply by Tabby on -
Times are different now and I'm not sure I would be happy with that. At 13 yrs old I remember my cousin watching her 2 younger siblings and I used to baby sit too but then things were really different and never overnight alone. I only left our son home once while hubby slept so I could run to the store. Something we wanted to try and it did go pretty good. I made that trip to Publix and Dollar Store really short and fast. He knew he could get his dad up if needed and to press redial on the phone to call me too. He knows my cell number and when I tried calling him to see if he's okay he never picked up. He said he got confused when he seen the number. He's 12 with a few issues, but trying to get him more independent.
I would say if it bothers you, talk to your kids about how they feel and talk to the ex. Granted money is tight and baby sitters are often expensive for over night stays, but if they are working over night then they should make other arrangements for the kids or take the kids on their days off. How could he possibly be spending time with the kids if he's got to sleep during the day to work night shift?? So basically the kids are on their own the whole time they are there. My hubby works nights and sleeps days so when days off come around he spends as much time as possible with our son and myself. Just my opinion.
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Permalink Reply by alice beautex on
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Stop sending them to their dad place. he has no responsibility at all.
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Permalink Reply by JGS on -
This is wrong on so many levels. Now that you have expressed reservations about letting the kids stay there you are just as responsible as the custodial parent if anything happens - IF you let this continue.
Link to DCF guidelines on children left alone:
http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/childwelfare/caregivers/whentol...
It's absolutely NOT a question of the children's maturity level. Gas leaks, fever, burglars, pedophiles, fire, severe weather, appendicitis, falls, worry, anxiety - don't necessarily have maturity levels. Think of all the scenarios that as an adult we have to think about with children in the house.
Good luck and listen to your gut.
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Permalink Reply by Over-wrked Momma on
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Thanks for the link - the guidline questions are very insightful and can help all of us determine when the best time is.
JGS said:This is wrong on so many levels. Now that you have expressed reservations about letting the kids stay there you are just as responsible as the custodial parent if anything happens - IF you let this continue.
Link to DCF guidelines on children left alone:
http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/childwelfare/caregivers/whentol...
It's absolutely NOT a question of the children's maturity level. Gas leaks, fever, burglars, pedophiles, fire, severe weather, appendicitis, falls, worry, anxiety - don't necessarily have maturity levels. Think of all the scenarios that as an adult we have to think about with children in the house.
Good luck and listen to your gut.
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